Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
