Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
