we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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