This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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