Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
