Where did you get a picture of my penis
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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