If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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