I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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