It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
