Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
