Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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