its not stalking. its research.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
