So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
