It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
