Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
