I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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