I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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