It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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