Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
