since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
