Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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