Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
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Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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