a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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