I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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