I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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