i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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