mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
