i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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