Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
