I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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