she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
