I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
These tits shall not be calmed
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
