Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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