So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
