Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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