toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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