; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
