True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
