True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
