Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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