At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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