Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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