So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
