I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
