Taylor Swift is so right about you.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
