Are we in a gay sports bar?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
pray to the hookup gods
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
