Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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