Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
