some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
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U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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They have beer where we have blood.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.