Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.