I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
