Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.