Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
