i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
