We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
