YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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