he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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