I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
