and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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