it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
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new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
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You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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