i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This is the high leading the old right now
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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