Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
