Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
