maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
