After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
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In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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