I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
