he puts the penis in happiness.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
