I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ladies don't puke and tell
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
