Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
