Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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