Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
