i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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