Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
either way he was missing a nipple.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
