i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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