i don't like sucking hair
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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