Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
