Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
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WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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