i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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