i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
