big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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