What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
