Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
