whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
