My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
