I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
